my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This baby is an asshole
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize