Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
