I just pynch a tree in the face
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Someone shattered a urinal.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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