That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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