bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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