I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
