My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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