apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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