True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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