please come you make the beer taste better
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize