I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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