I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
