Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
