Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
