Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
