so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
