dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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