just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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