I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
