Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
