I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize