Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
