i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
