Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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