The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Life is so much better after having sex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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