youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
