Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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