My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
