1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
