The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
