My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
