Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize