Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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