is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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