Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
