If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
