while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize