I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Found your dick twin last night
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
