weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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