I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
