dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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