All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
