And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
