It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
