They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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