We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
