i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
