and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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