i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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