I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
where are my eyebrows?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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