you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
