Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Randomize
