i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
