i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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