i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize