Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
