I just pynch a tree in the face
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
