Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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