i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
