How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
