I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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