i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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