Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How's work?
Spinning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
