Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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