haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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