You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
