she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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