Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
