I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we're making bets on your personal life
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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