Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
